Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
