You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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