we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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