So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
