she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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