So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
