Plan B is the new Plan A
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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