I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
