I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
