Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
