I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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