I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
