Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
