Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
