i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
