So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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