i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
