:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He did a backflip because drugs
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