Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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