i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
