Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
