yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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