How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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