i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
