I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
