absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
