At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Small penises have feelings too.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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