And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
