wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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