I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
