How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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