You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
