if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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