the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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