So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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