Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
