dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am spending my child support on dildos
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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