But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
