i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
