You just made me feel so damn special
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
