i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
