I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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