mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
