Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
