ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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