i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
