I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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