i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
did you just send me my own nude
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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