You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
