P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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