The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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