remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
