Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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