Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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