it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
